This very personal post comes from one of the truly amazing and dedicated volunteers with the Speranza Animal Rescue:
Those that know me, know I struggle with depression and bi polar disorder. The last week I have been going through a medication change…
It has hit me hard. I feel helpless. I feel anger. I feel hopeless. I feel ashamed.
I sit here and cry as I type this. I don’t know if I should be posting this… but I’m hoping others can relate.
My mind races. Bad thoughts going through my head. I’m doing everything in my power to stay out of the hospital. I look at the pictures of my dogs and they keep me strong.
I have flash backs to when I was growing up. I lived by the saying – fake it til you make it…
However there comes a time when you can no longer put on that smile. You can no longer keep it a secret. You can no longer do it on your own.
At age 19 that was my breaking point. That was the end of the line.
I was in and out of psych wards. Countless med changes. Suicide attempts – one nearly ending my life. I would cut my arms -as the pain would in a strange way release my feelings of hurt.
Bulimia. I struggled with that for over 15 years. As my weight was the only thing I feel like I could control in life.
What some people don’t understand is that it’s an ongoing battle. It’s not my choice to be this way – but it’s the cards I was dealt.
I have the best support system- family, friends, my volunteers.
I just wanted to share my story. In hopes it would help others.
For those that struggle with mental illness – it’s not your fault. There are others out there that struggle as well – more than you know.
These dogs are my lifeline – they keep me from acting on those ‘bad thoughts’ that run through my head.
Never be silent. For those that love you will stand by your side and help you fight the fight. And most importantly – you are not alone ♡