Post-Rapture Pet Care

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“We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists,” begins the marketing pitch from Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. “Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.”

Bart Centre, owner of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, is convinced that there is no such thing as heaven – and if there is, he says there is no way your pet is getting in. Centre is an atheist, but given the fact that he’s in the minority, he says it only makes sense to provide a service that will care for pets left behind if and when the big day comes – and some people believe that will happen as early as May 21st.

Centre founded the company in 2009 with the promise that when the time comes, a representative from his company will locate, secure and adopt your pet – for the sum of $135, plus $20 per additional animal. The fee guarantees coverage for ten years.

“Right now, we have over 250 clients,” Centre says. He is quick to point out that all company representatives are atheists – they must love animals, and must not love Jesus. “These are people not likely to be Raptured under any circumstances,” Centre said.

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96 thoughts on “Post-Rapture Pet Care”

  1. well that is such a negative attitude….i KNOW wherever i will end up, ALL my furry ones will be there too, waiting for me 🙂

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  2. Well, great so all the pets I’m seeing that need homes because their owners have died can go to this group? That’s fantastic because I know of a woman in New Jersey who just died leaving 4 dogs. What’s this groups phone number?

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