Post-Rapture Pet Care

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“We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists,” begins the marketing pitch from Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. “Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.”

Bart Centre, owner of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, is convinced that there is no such thing as heaven – and if there is, he says there is no way your pet is getting in. Centre is an atheist, but given the fact that he’s in the minority, he says it only makes sense to provide a service that will care for pets left behind if and when the big day comes – and some people believe that will happen as early as May 21st.

Centre founded the company in 2009 with the promise that when the time comes, a representative from his company will locate, secure and adopt your pet – for the sum of $135, plus $20 per additional animal. The fee guarantees coverage for ten years.

“Right now, we have over 250 clients,” Centre says. He is quick to point out that all company representatives are atheists – they must love animals, and must not love Jesus. “These are people not likely to be Raptured under any circumstances,” Centre said.

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96 thoughts on “Post-Rapture Pet Care”

  1. Right you are!

    In fact, I expect all my former pets to be there waiting for me. If they aren’t, I’m coming back!

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  2. while I could care less about the religious junk, planning who will care for your pet after your rapture, or more likely, death, is a VERY important thing to do.

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  3. the bible clearly says in the earth made new, the lion will lay down with the lamb and eat straw. Our animals that we loved will be with us as well.

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    • Your absolutely right Teresa. I have three Golden Girls waiting for me in Heaven right now and I know that the two Golden Retriever family members in my home today will be accompanying me when i go to heaven on…………May 21st? Guess I won’t be worrying about finding a job much longer.

      Reply

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